Betty Scares Off Religious Lunatics

Betty was asleep on my bed when a commotion on our front porch woke her up. She jumped off of the bed, ran out of the room, and rushed down to the landing on our stairway. Betty gave off a good basset hound howl—a rare event for her—and barked like mad. I decided to investigate.

As I was going down the stairs, I could see four women through the small windows in our front door. One was messing around with our mail box, and the others held pamphlets which I identified as Jehovah's Witnesses pamphlets when I arrived at the door and looked out the windows. Betty came down the stairs after me barking the whole time.

Messing around with our mail box pissed me off, so I decided to open the front door to confront these four screwballs. Betty was happy about that because now she would have a good view of these nutcases through the storm door which has glass from top to bottom. The crackpots were startled when I opened the front door, and they got frightened looks on their faces when they saw Betty barking her head off on the other side of the storm door.

It was time to get these insolent believers in nonsense to leave, so I pointed at what appeared to be a crazed dog, moved my finger to point it at the simpletons, and said, "Go away." Even though there was no way I was actually going to open the storm door (I needed to keep Betty from harm), the four didn't know that, so they turned around and hurried off of the porch pushing each other as they went down the porch steps. Betty barked them down the sidewalk and off of our property. She is such a good dog.

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